If you'd like to learn the "master system" for approaching women and starting conversations,
then take a minute and read THIS:
***THIS WEEK'S QUESTION***
SUBJECT: A BIG BREAKTHROUGH
Dear Friend,
I have been reading your blogs and trying your
ideas for a while now with limited success.
However the other week I decided to try your cocky
and funny attitude in a nightclub setting and get
over my fear of approaching beautiful women.
Here is what happened... I spoke to 35 girls in a
four hour period. Got 2 phone numbers and lots of
physical contact like hand holding, hugs etc. My
approach was basically like this... A girl bumped
into me and say "Sorry" I replied. "C'mon I know
what you are doing. You just want to seduce me and
take me home. . . But listen, I am not THAT easy.
I hate it when girls just want me for my sexy body
and incredible looks (I am an average looking
bloke) I mean I have feelings . . . and a brain.
What happened to just talking a bit and being
friends... By then the girl is really cracking up
and playing along. Like she said, "Oh, it must be
a real problem being as good looking as you how do
you cope?" I said things like "So tell me, What
does it feel like to be talking to such a good
looking sexy and intelligent guy like me?" OR
Have you ever talked to such a good looking sexy,
intelligent... and modest guy like me before?"
"You are not going to start stalking me now, are
you?"
Another approach I used with waitresses was...
"Excuse me, but how do you do that?" (She ALWAYS
says, "Do what?") Walk so straight. You just
glide through the room with this great energy.
Are you a dancer or something?... Then I went into
my cocky and funny... Hey, you are not intimidated
to have such a good looking and sexy guy like me
talking to you, are you? (I got her number)
I would ask them where they were from, and when
they told me I would ask . . . "So what are you
doing here, did you get lost?" I would shake
their hands when I introduced myself and then
say... "Wow, you have an interesting handshake.
You know you can tell a lot about how a person
first meets someone by the way they shake
hands..." (They almost always say, "So what can
you tell about me?")
Anyway, since that time I have lost my fear of
meeting women in any situation. I comment on
their clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, an item they
carry etc. Then get into the good looking sexy
routine. Also when I am in shops, checkout lines
etc. And I get asked how are you? I now say,
"You mean apart from being incredibly attractive
and irresistibly sexy?... I am really great!!"
This always gets a reaction. If it is a bit
reserved I follow up with "You are not intimidated
by having such a good looking guy come into your
store, are you?"
Or if they ask "Would you like a bag" (Like in a
grocery store) I say "You mean to put over my
head because I am so good looking and to stop all
the girls from attacking me when I walk out? Good
idea." Then after her response I say, "You are
not going to start following me when I leave here
are you? You are not a stalker are you?" If she
is a bit freaked out. I say "You look a bit
intimidated by what I said. Haven't you ever had
such a good looking guy through your checkout
before?"
So now I am meeting, women and getting phone
numbers EVERYWHERE I go. But more than that I
make people feel great after I leave. And have
them saying things like "You made my day" "I was
feeling down until you came" Etc. etc. etc. This
is soooo much fun.
P.S. Question: I know some of the girls really
like me. But I seem to miss the chance to close.
(Kiss and/or number and e-mail.) At least 10
times now while I am talking to the girl, a friend
comes and drags her away. What's the way to
overcome this. I REALLY want to kiss, close and
get the number. I know I keep missing the moment.
How do I know when the moment is there? (My
feeling is I am just go wussy and get scared when
I get to that stage and I just have to have a go
and just DO IT!!!)
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Great examples... killer stories.
In response to this great letter, I'm going to
focus this, integrating several of the different
"pieces of the puzzle" together.
One of the most important things to remember as
you hear the different ideas that I present is
that THEY'RE ALL PART OF A BIGGER PICTURE.
All of the ideas work together.
They strengthen and magnify each other.
And they are explained the way they are for
specific reasons.
Let me give you a couple of examples.
Why do I teach the concept of being "Cocky and
Funny?"
Because it's the absolute best way I've been
able to find for a regular guy to communicate in a
way that makes an attractive woman feel a gut
level ATTRACTION.
Attraction is complex to explain. It would
appear to be a simple concept.
But it's not.
If you want to be able to create it, you have
to understand things that most guys don't get.
Cocky & Funny communicates:
1) That you're an "alpha" type male. Even though
you're making jokes and being funny, you're
talking in a way that only confident men talk.
This is attractive.
2) Humor requires intelligence and creativity. And
when you use humor with a little bit of cockiness,
it comes across as "superiority". Also attractive.
3) It says "I get it" in a very subtle way.
Attractive women are approached all the time by
men... in one way or another. When you're acting
cocky and funny, it's a very DETACHED kind of
attitude. An attractive woman who is used to being
approached all the time and worshipped finds the
attitude VERY interesting and refreshing.
4) It's UNBELIEVABLY easy and low-risk. It beats
the hell out of fighting to show off that you're a
dominant male.
And on and on...
Bottom line: IT WORKS. Use it.
Next, let's talk about getting email addresses
and phone numbers.
Why do I recommend getting email instead of
numbers?
Because it's a lot easier, women aren't so
resistant to it, women respond to it better... and
you're about twice as likely to hear back when you
email as when you call.
Again, there are all kinds of reasons for it.
How about the idea of getting her email address
within a few minutes of meeting her instead of
going for "kiss closes" and trying to take women
home the night you meet them?
Why do I suggest that?
Wouldn't it make more sense to get her more
interested in you on the spot? And strike up an
interesting conversation to prove what a great guy
you are?
Well, sure.
If you're the mac daddy of all time, then it's
a great idea.
But if you're a regular guy, it's probably not
a good idea at all.
See, if I go out on a Friday night with some
friends, and we go to a couple of bars... there
are a few interesting dynamics that are probably
going on.
1) Women that are out are usually with friends.
Friends don't like to have their friend taken away
from them so you can mack on her.
2) Unless you are a "pro", the chances that you're
going to make a better impression by talking
longer in a bar or other busy public setting are
slim. There are a lot of distractions... and a lot
of other guys around who want your gal's attention
(competition wastes time).
3) If there are a lot of other guys around, she
will have better looking, smoother talking men to
compare you to. In my experience there is ALWAYS a more
attractive guy in a busy bar. It's only human
nature to have this work against you.
4) If you talk to one woman all night, you may or
may not wind up dating her later. In my
experience, due to the reasons above, your chances
get worse the longer you talk. MUCH BETTER to get
an email address (AND number) from a woman in a
few minutes, then move on and get another... and
another. I know a lot of guys that go out and get
3-5 emails and numbers a night (some get a lot
more). Then you have a bunch of prospects to
follow up with during the week.
5) The chances are that the women you're talking
to are NOT the kind of women you're going to want
to see again. YOU READ THAT RIGHT. Just like most
guys are not what an attractive woman is looking
for, most women aren't what you're looking for
either. She's probably either a bad match to your
personality, has different values than you, is
annoying in some way or whatever. I'd say that
maybe one in three women would even warrant a
second date on average. Remember this before you
invest too much time talking when you could be
getting more emails and numbers!
The REAL point I'm trying to make is that the
"Three Minute Email/Phone Number" technique isn't
just a cute trick or a gimmick.
There's a reason why I use it personally and
why I teach it and mention it so often.
It took me a looooong time to figure out all of
the reasons that I've listed. And there are many
more. But the point is that the technique and
mind set behind it work and will get you more
success than others.
Sooooo...
To answer your question of what you should do
because all of these women have friends that pull
them away before you can "kiss, close and get the
number"...
GET HER EMAIL ADDRESS BEFORE HER FRIEND EVEN
KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON!
Then go get another one. And another.
Then, meet each of them for a 20 minute cup of
tea during the week and decide if you like one or
more of them enough to spend some time later
together. What a much better mindset.
I have a friend who has slept with over 1,000
women... and when he goes out to meet women, he's
not looking for a woman to take home that night.
He's looking to get numbers.
Now, we're talking about a guy who likes to
date a LOT of women here! (I realize you may not
want 1,000 women, but the idea still rings
true)...
His words (paraphrased by me): "You have to run
it like a business. Go out on the weekend and get
20 numbers, then call them all on Monday and set
up your dates for the week..."
This idea works just as well if you're looking
to find one special girl as it does if you're
looking to find one special girl every night.
So...
1) Remember that all of the pieces work together.
2) Think about doing what makes the MOST SENSE
rather than trying to be get
"kiss closes" from every woman you meet.
If you think what you're doing is powerful,
just wait until you have a command of the
PSYCHOLOGY that is controlling the attraction
"mechanism" inside of women.
If you already have a little bit of success
with women, this will make you BETTER.
I get a lot of specific questions that are
basically variations of this... things like:
"What should we talk about?" and "How do you
keep the conversation interesting?"
So instead of answering one specific question,
I'm going to lump them all together... and I'm
going to just address them all in this Q&A Dating
Tip.
Here goes...
THE FIRST DATE ISN'T AN INTERVIEW
The first thing to remember when you're meeting
up with a girl for "a date" is that it's NOT an
INTERVIEW.
You're not applying for a job (and neither is
she), so don't act like it.
It's so funny to me when I sit down in a
restaurant and I hear a couple that's obviously
out on their first date... and the guy has no idea
what to do.
It sounds like this:
"So, did you grow up around here?"
"Where did you go to school?"
"Do you have brothers and sisters?"
"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"
Painful.
Why is it that people tend to act like they're
on job interviews when they go out on dates?
It's just such the NOT-right thing to do.
I mean, no wonder women sit around with each
other and complain about how hard it is to find an
interesting guy in this world.
Here's a good rule of thumb:
ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON,
BORING, PREDICTABLE
FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER
OPTIONS... AND YOU REALLY ENJOY THAT CURIOUS DRY
FEELING RIGHT WHERE YOUR LEGS MEET.
And why is this?
Good question. And I'm glad you asked.
First, let's talk about WHY most guys allow the
conversation to turn to these ultra-boring
topics...
Most guys approach a first date from the
perspective of "I don't want to screw this up".
In other words, they try to play it safe and
not do anything or say anything that the girl
might not like.
They try to present themselves as "nice guys"
who love mom, have a good job, and are stable.
Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they
act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old
things that everyone else uses to bore women to
tears that they might get lucky and score (or at
least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy
dinner).
I don't know where this concept came from, but
it's just not a very effective approach.
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME
OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION.
Attraction happens when there is energy, spice,
humor, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and special
sauce.
So, if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of
BOREDOM, you're going to have to learn a new way.
You're going to have to learn to talk about
something else.
Before I give you specifics about what to
talk about with women, I want to mention one
VERY important thing: If you don't know how to
make a woman laugh, and you don't know how to
create TENSION in a skillful way, then I want
you to make sure and read THIS:
Onward...
The trick to not talking about the "usual"
things is to know how to make conversation
INTERESTING.
Let me ask you... what are the most INTERESTING
topics to humans in general?
Hint: Think best-selling books and TV shows...
Right - drama, violence, scandal, and comedy
that is painful to one of the parties involved.
Here are a few good ideas for conversation that
come to mind:
1. Any
and anyone of the opposite sex that's famous.
2. Any relationship drama going on between any pop
star and their new or ex boy/girl friend.
3. Anything that has to do with hip hop artists
spending too much money on rims that spin or
diamonds in their teeth.
These topics will light up a conversation like
nobody's business. And they create all kinds of
opportunities to be cocky and funny while talking
about the misfortunes and neurotic behavior of
others.
The trick is that you must remember you're NOT
there to impress her, and you're NOT on a job
interview.
The more you act nervous, stilted, and
uncomfortable... like you're trying to impress her
and get her approval... and like you don't want to
say anything that might make her disapprove of
you, the less likely you are to trigger that all-
important ATTRACTION inside of her.
And here's a real twist on this theme:
If SHE starts asking the "normal" questions
about school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect
opportunity to bust on her and say "What, is this
a job interview?"
Or "Can't you think of something interesting to
talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual
school-job-family conversation. Let's save that
until we're picking names for our kids."
If you MUST talk about something "normal" or
"regular", try sprinkling in a few of these ideas:
1) History. Women love to hear stories about the
history of places. If you're in an interesting
part of town, tell her the story of how the area
came to be named, or why the city was built where
it is. And if the story involves a tale of love
and/or scandal, all the better.
2) Anything superficial, classy, and basically
meaningless. Try learning a little about fashion,
this way you can make fun of it while acting like
you know what you're talking about. "Didn't
Madonna really screw up the fashion world with
this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?"
3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by
giving your wild perspective on others. "You know,
I've been trying to figure out why so many people
these days are going postal and shooting everyone.
I think it might be all the lame music that's on
the radio these days..." This one can be a lot of
fun... be creative.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
If you want to keep her interest, then you have
to be INTERESTING.
The old-fashioned act-like-you're-on-a-job
interview rap just doesn't cut it.
Now, for some guys, the ideas that I've just
talked about will make sense, but they won't come
naturally.
That's OK. You may have to work on this for
awhile, especially if you've spent the last 25 or
so years doing the wrong thing.
Old Proverb: "No matter how far down the wrong
road you've gone, TURN BACK."
So remember, attraction isn't a choice. And
attraction doesn't make logical sense. If you want
to create that magical "chemistry", then you're
going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE it.
Repeat after me.
Out loud.
"I am not going on an interview... I am not
going on an interview... I am not going on an
interview..."
Good. Keep that in mind.
